Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Is it possible to live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Am I actually living? Why did I get it? Why now and not then? I can’t breathe. Hyperventilation has taken over. I can’t see. There’s something in front of me but I don’t know what it is. I can’t hear. There is a voice but I don’t know what it is saying. I can’t move. My body is frozen. Here come the images. Firing off like a movie in fast motion. Each scene I am a different age. Each scene is a memory I don’t want to revisit. Now my body is shaking. This is the worst part. It’s violent and travels repeatedly from my head to my toes. How long will it last? I never know. Is my thinking brain on? It is right now to write this. How long will my clarity prevail? I never know. If there is a hell I am in it.

My PTSD and Me – this is my story

2 thoughts on “Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

  1. Thank you for sharing this – I know exactly what you mean. I was fortunate to finally, after 8 years, find a therapist who is a level 3 EMDR specialist. I had given up, resigned to the reality that was my hell existence. In my millionth moment of anger & frustration I decided to try one more time to find a good EMDR practitioner (two others were not what they claimed). The difference that EMDR therapy made is truly amazing. I have a life again…but I’m still working on remembering who I was and how I functioned in the world before PTSD. I respectfully and gently recommend you consider searching for a level 2 or 3 trained (level3 means they are qualified to teach/train) EMDR practitioner. EMDR.com is an excellent starting point. You will stay in my thoughts and prayers. Please email me if you’d like.

    • Thank you Karin for sharing your story. I was just newly diagnosed so of course this has taken the wind out of me. I am in the process with the help of my therapist looking for the best possible solutions and support. Which does include EMDR sessions. I didn’t know there are different levels of practitioners so this certainly helps me in determining in what direction I need to go. I had used EMDR in the past for other reasons currently though just seeing the machine seems to be a trigger. I have a lot of work ahead of me. It sounds like you have found some solace with your PTSD, I am blessed that you wrote to me it gives me hope.


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